


call me friend (but keep me closer)

by Minirainbow



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, angst with hopeful ending, past minayeon mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:54:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22310614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minirainbow/pseuds/Minirainbow
Summary: it was routine, everything about sana and the nights following her visits was routine.orsana and jihyo are friends with benefits, and jihyo really wished they weren't.
Relationships: Minatozaki Sana/Park Jisoo | Jihyo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 224





	call me friend (but keep me closer)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I tried something new with this fic - it's kind of different from my normal style I think and it took a while for me to be happy with it but I think I finally am. This was supposed to be for Sahyo day, but life happens and I accidentally slept for like 16hrs after my exam and then AO3 wouldn't work for a solid 6hrs today. You win some, you lose some.
> 
> This is Un-BETA'd (all mistakes are mine) I hope you enjoy!

sana was sat perched on the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but her underwear and a wistful smile, a lollipop toying between her lips as she stared out the window at the night sky. she looked effortlessly ethereal with not a single care in the world, and all jihyo could do was stare at her with hopeless adoration - moments like this were a painful reminder as to why jihyo had stupidly agreed to this arrangement in the first place.

this was just sex, nothing more and nothing less - jihyo wasn’t even sure she’d call them ‘friends’ - and sex for sana meant a whole lot less than it did to jihyo. for sana, sex was just this fun little activity she’d frequently partake in to destress, and jihyo knew she wasn’t the only person sana would call up when she was looking to have fun; but to jihyo, sex had always carried all these feeling and so much intimacy - she’d never been one for a casual fuck, not before sana came along.

they met at a party during the height of summer and it had only taken one single night of sloppy yet passionate drunk sex for jihyo to fall in love. it was embarrassing and pathetic how easily she’d fallen for her, but it was all too easy when she saw how sana’s eyes glistened in the moonlight with that goofy post-orgasm grin on her face.

once she’d experienced it, jihyo had known there was no way she was ever going to forget how her soft sana’s skin had felt underneath her fingertips as she’d traced the curves of her body, the near musicality of sana’s moans as jihyo’s fingers had found and pressed against her clit, and the unforgettable giggle that had slipped past her lips as she brought jihyo over the edge. there wasn’t a single thing about sana that jihyo could get out of her head, so when sana had suggested they hook up again, make a ‘thing’ of it - it’d been all too easy for her to say yes, she’d been far too eager to say yes.

from all the movies she’d seen and all the books she’d read, jihyo had really expected sana to set a lot of ground rules when their arrangement had started, had even gone as far to write down her _own_ set of potential rule ideas she thought they could discuss. so when sana had texted her saying for her to ‘come over so we can hang out’ she’d expected a full conversation on their casual sex arrangement and what they were and weren’t allowed to do; jihyo hadn’t expected for sana to simply press her back against her front door and start sucking at her pulse point immediately after she’d gotten there.

the ground rules had been nothing more than a giggled ‘don’t fall in love with me’ from sana and jihyo having to bite back a ‘i can’t make any promises’.

the embarrassing truth was that jihyo had broken the only rule before their arrangement had even started.

but jihyo could never say she regretted it, no matter how much it hurt when sana would show up with hickeys covering her thighs that jihyo knew she didn’t leave, or when sana would bail on their premade plans because ‘something else came up’ because jihyo was so pathetically in love with sana that she’d let the girl walk all over her before she’d let her leave.

* * *

  
  


“you don’t talk much, do you?” sana giggled from her usual spot, perched on the edge of jihyo’s bed with the typical lollipop dangling from her lips.

“what?” jihyo frowned, lifting her head up from her pillow so sana could see her confused expression

“after we fuck, you never really say much.” sana stated simply, closing her lips around her lollipop and sucking hard. “you don’t say much beforehand either.”

“i thought the whole point of this was that we were just having sex.” jihyo mumbled, letting her head fall against the pillow again, hoping the bitterness in her heart wasn’t seeping into her tone. “pretty sure you made that very clear that this was about nothing more than sex to you.”

“all i said was that you’re not allowed to fall in love with me.” sana hummed, pulling her lollipop out from between her lips to point it at jihyo accusingly. “i never said we couldn’t be friends, i’d love for us to be friends, jihyo.”

“i’m officially being upgraded from casual fuck to friends with benefits? someone call my mum she’s going to be so proud of me.” jihyo drawled sarcastically, it was an unnecessary comment, and jihyo knew that, but sarcasm was becoming something of a defence mechanism.

“i thought that’s what you wanted in the first place? to be friends with benefits?” sana pointed out.

“yeah, well, i thought you didn’t.” jihyo grumbled quietly to herself. “do you have sex with all of your friends? or am i about to be one of the lucky few?”

“i don’t have sex with _all_ my friends, i have a lot of friends, so i guess you _are_ one of the lucky few.” sana giggled, popping her lollipop back between her lips and getting up off the bed. “unfortunate for the others, they’re really missing out.”

“yeah, they really are.” jihyo chuckled, propping herself up on her elbows when she saw sana moving around her bedroom, not even bothering to pull the sheets up to cover her bare chest - squinting her eyes in the darkness in an attempt to see. “wait, what are you doing?”

“getting dressed.” sana shrugged, humming the tune to a song jihyo vaguely recognised as she gathered up all her clothes. “it’s like 3am jihyo, i need to go home.”

“do you ever stay the night after sex or am i the only one you leave?” jihyo sighed, she shouldn’t have expectations - she should know by now she was only getting herself hurt.

“why do you think we rarely meet up at my apartment?”

“i don’t know, just figured it’s because you have someone else you call over when _you’re_ horny and need a quick fuck.”

there was a gap of uncomfortable silence that followed and jihyo wished she’d never spoken as she heard sana’s long, drawn out sigh as she visibly deflated. sometimes jihyo hated how she often she let herself speak without thinking it through, wished she could stop saying the wrong thing because she was upset.

“you know it’s not like that.” sana murmured quietly, composed yet clearly tired and jihyo couldn’t help but feel guilty. “i just think it’s better if i don’t stay the night after we fuck, it’s less messy, leaving has become something of a habit at this point - part of the routine.”

“okay, im sorry.” jihyo muttered sheepishly, watching sana’s shadowy figure pull a shirt over her head. “i understand.”

“and, for the record,” sana started, a flirtatious lilt to her tone as she sauntered over to the edge of jihyo’s bed, leaning over slightly so she was face to face with jihyo. “i _always_ call you when i’m horny and need a quick fuck. you, miss park, are _unbelievably_ good with your tongue. you’re definitely my favourite.”

jihyo could feel her cheeks burning with pride and bashfulness, wanting so badly to cover her face with her hands but unable to as sana leaned down to press a chaste kiss to her lips - pulling away before jihyo could fully react and try to pull her down into a deeper kiss, mumbling something under her breath in japanese, chuckling at jihyo’s confused expression. even in the darkness of her bedroom, jihyo could see that cocky smirk on sana’s lips, and she wanted so badly to wipe it off her face.

“i’ll see myself out, was good seeing you again jihyo.” sana purred as she slowly walked towards jihyo’s bedroom door, jihyo unable to stop the lovestruck smile from painting her features. “call me, i always look forward to our little ‘hangouts’.”

a part of jihyo always wondered just how much of what sana said was true and how much she said just to keep jihyo around. it was foolish of sana really, little did she know she could spit on jihyo and insult her as much as she pleased and jihyo would still be picking up her phone within the next few days asking for her to come over.

it was toxic, unhealthy and not how to have a proper and healthy relationship - jihyo knew that she and sana could never truly be together because she idolised the girl far too much, would let sana get away with literally anything because she was just so _terrified_ by the prospect of sana leaving and never coming back.

sana had no idea of the vice grip she had on jihyo’s heart and the home she’d made in jihyo’s mind - to her their relationship was simple and self explanatory, much like the ones she had with so many other people - to sana, jihyo was always just going to be one of her friends that she had sex with, no strings attached and no complications.

jihyo let her head fall back against her pillow, unbothered by how the covers only covering half of her body and leaving her upper torso exposed, with her gaze fixed on the ceiling as she let her fingers drift over the trail of hickeys sana had left on her skin; she couldn’t help but wonder if things would be different in another life. 

if her and sana could’ve fallen in love instead of just falling into bed together. wondered what sana could be like on dates, if they’d fight over the check at a restaurant or if they’d just split it equally. her chest felt uncomfortably tight as she envisioned sana kissing her sweetly instead of hungrily, having slow and loving sex instead of it being fast and rough (or at least, getting to alternate between having either of the two).

letting her mind wander like this was dangerous and jihyo knew she was only hurting herself by allowing herself to picture hers and sana’s relationship differently. but she couldn’t help herself anymore, it’d become a part of the routine of sana leaving.

  
  


* * *

  
  


jihyo had long stopped trying to cover her hickeys, had long stopped caring that her neck and collarbones were near permanently purple with the bruises sana always left. when they’d first started sleeping together, she’d done everything to cover them - even wearing scarves and turtlenecks in the heat of summer just to keep them hidden - but now, with all of her friends already well aware of her and sana’s arrangement, she couldn’t bring herself to care if they saw.

plus, there was something almost exciting about having the marks _sana_ left out in the open for everyone to see.

for a casual relationship like theirs, jihyo found it exceedingly confusing that sana insisted on leaving such blatantly possessive marks all over her skin - the thought made her heart leap in her chest.

jihyo could feel nayeon’s judgemental stare was boring into the back of jihyo’s head, the girl sat on the sofa as jihyo washed the dishes in the kitchen, she didn’t even need to turn around to know the girls eyes were on her, studying her and drinking in all the new blemishes that marked her skin. and although jihyo loved her roommate, truly adored her with every fibre of her being and could gush endlessly about how nayeon was the best friend she could’ve possibly wished for - jihyo really wished she wouldn’t get so involved in her love life sometimes, wished she’d just learn to be quietly supportive no matter how much she disagreed with it.

it had gotten to the point where nayeon didn’t even need to say anything for jihyo to know she was judging her, and jihyo didn’t need to say or do anything for nayeon to make a quick witted comment about sana and their arrangement - jihyo could simply glance at her phone, and nayeon would scoff outwardly and make a snarky comment about how ‘sana wasn’t going to text her’ and that she ‘needed to end their arrangement before it was too late’.

her comments never achieved anything beyond pissing jihyo off, making her frustrated and want to text sana to come over out of nothing but pure spite - the nights nayeon would make her snide jokes before sana arrived were the nights jihyo would ensure she was _extra_ vocal, and yet nayeon never really learned her lesson.

then again they’d been bickering like this ever since they were kids, so perhaps it was unreasonable of jihyo to think it’d stop now.

“you look stupid right now, hyo.” nayeon stated simply, jihyo didn’t even need to turn around and look at her to know she had that stupid smirk on her face. “like a horny teenager.”

“thanks nayeon, that was the look i was going for.” jihyo scoffed sarcastically, rolling her eyes and shaking her head to herself.

“i don’t think it really suits you to be honest.” nayeon replied coolly. “maybe sana should stop leaving so many hickeys, you’re way too old to be getting them anyway.”

“shut up, what do you mean i’m ‘too old’? i’m only 21.”

“exactly, you’re not 17 anymore, you should not be letting her mangle your neck like that. she’s not a fucking _vampire_ .” nayeon teased, chuckling to herself with jihyo simply huffing loudly in response. “shit wait, _she is_ a vampire?!”

“god, shut the fuck up you’re so annoying.” jihyo grumbled exasperatedly, throwing her head back and sighing loudly. “just leave it nayeon, what sana and i do is none of your business, stop trying to stick your nose in.”

“i’m just trying to look out for you, hyo.” nayeon sighed gently, genuinely. “yours and sana’s arrangement is not healthy, especially when you’ve _already_ caught feelings for her. all you’re doing is letting yourself get hurt.”

“i’m not having this argument again, nayeon.” jihyo decided firmly, whipping her head around to finally look nayeon in the eyes. “i know what i’m doing, i’m not a child and i’m perfectly capable of maintaining a casual relationship with a girl i like - like i’ve told you _thousands_ of times.”

“doesn’t change the fact that you’re _in love_ with the girl.” nayeon pointed out, sounding almost exasperated. “you either need to tell her how you feel or end the arrangement and move on, you can’t continue on like this - _trust me_.”

“sana and i are nothing like you and mina.” jihyo defended, standing up straighter to show her defiance, though she knew it was a lie - all the signs pointed to it being exactly the same.

“that’s just not true jihyo, and we both know it.” nayeon protested frustratedly, arguing as if this wasn’t a frequent debate they had. “give me one difference and i’ll drop this whole thing forever.”

jihyo scoffed and rolled her eyes, turning back so she was facing the sink again - her heart was in her throat as she racked her brain trying to find something, any difference between their two relationships, but she knew there wasn’t one - they’d had this argument too many times already for jihyo to not know there wasn’t a single difference beyond the hopes she held in her heart.

“sana told me i’m her favourite last night.” jihyo muttered helplessly, wincing at the long, exasperated groan nayeon let out.

“that’s _textbook_ shit, jihyo. mina told me i was her favourite constantly and would turn around and tell jeongyeon the exact same thing.” nayeon countered quickly, sighing when jihyo ducked her head in shame. “look, i’m just worried about you that’s all. i don’t want you getting your heart broken like i did, it’s not fun - you remember how miserable i was when she broke it off, i don’t want to have to watch you go through that.”

her stomach churned uncomfortably and jihyo felt as though she was going to be sick, no matter how many times she and nayeon had this exact same discussion, it always made her feel just as dejected and lonely. it was too late for that, she was in too deep to not get her heart broken, and nayeon knew that.

“right, of course.” jihyo nodded stiffly, swallowing the lump in her throat and blinking back tears. “i’ll be fine nayeon, don’t worry about me. i’m a big girl, i’m not going to let a girl like sana break my heart.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


it was routine, everything about sana and the nights following her visits was routine.

jihyo would spend the nights following lying in bed, grazing her fingertips over her skin - mapping exactly where sana’s lips had touched - and trying to ignore the way her skin would burn in their wake. the feeling was electric, setting her nerve endings alight and making her heart ache with feelings of love and hopelessness. she’d lie awake for hours, listening to the silence that surrounded her, wishing it was filled with the sounds that made sana.

there were so many small little quirks sana had that jihyo would’ve found irritating had it been any other person - but with sana they were cute, heartwarming even, and the more jihyo dwelled on them and let her mind replicate them - the more she found herself falling for sana, even when the girl wasn’t there.

incessant humming had always been one of jihyo’s pet peeves, had gotten into many an argument with nayeon over her tendency to hum off key whilst she traipsed around their apartment; but with sana it was cute, each evening she’d be humming a new song and the next morning jihyo would search tirelessly until she found it. last night it’d been ‘when the party’s over’ by billie eilish, the song was _far_ from jihyo’s taste in music - but now she couldn’t stop listening to it.

she’d grown fond of sana’s ramblings, how she’d lay there in silence next to jihyo and then the next second would start reciting poetry - she would alternate between japanese, korean and english poetry, but it would all be just as confusing and foreign to jihyo regardless of the language. that silently smug smile that would dust her lips as she turned to gauge jihyo’s reactions each and every time was one of jihyo’s favourites.

sana had jihyo studying poetry, she had jihyo so secured under her thumb that she had jihyo doing research so she could impress sana with her poetry knowledge. it never worked, each time she tried to recite her own poem, she’d be rendered speechless by sana’s smile and would only manage a soft squeak.

(sana would tell her she thought it was cute, but that just wasn’t enough for jihyo. cute wasn’t what she was going for.)

jihyo’s hand finally reached her abdomen, letting the pads of her fingers brush over the soft skin of her stomach, a light blush dusting her cheeks as she recalled how sana would always ensure to lay extra kisses along her stomach - muttering quiet praises about how much she admired jihyo’s body and how perfect she thought it was as she sucked and nipped at the skin there.

it was always dangerously tender and intimate how sana would drown jihyo with praises, teetering the line of a casual quickie and more romantic love making but never quite enough to allow jihyo to believe they could be more.

her whole body felt hot, that desire to call sana and invite her over was overwhelming, almost enough to make jihyo reach over and grab her phone off the bedside table - throw caution to the wind and break their unspoken 3 day rule. but it was almost 3am, the time sana would usually be leaving and jihyo was determined to retain what little self control and self respect she still had.

so she did the same thing she did almost every night sana wasn’t there; she slipped one hand underneath her sleep shorts and another between her lips, closed her eyes and let herself imagine sana was there with her.

  
  


* * *

  
  


it’d been over a week since jihyo had last seen or heard from sana, the hickeys that had littered her skin had since faded and a part of jihyo really wanted to just _wait_ and see if sana would actually contact her first for once. the girl had never really been one to strike up a conversation, had always let jihyo initiate everything, but it still stung knowing sana wasn’t missing her enough to want to call and check up on her. but, like always, it was jihyo’s own fault for letting herself have expectations.

sana had always kept jihyo at arms length, they rarely met up beyond having sex - barely constituting as ‘friends’, despite sana trying to convince her they were. it was something she was used to by now - but there was nothing jihyo wouldn’t give to be held in sana’s arms instead.

jihyo could feel nayeon’s gaze bore into her soul every time she peered at her phone, a look pitiful hopefulness whenever the screen flashed with a notification - only to be disappointed yet again when she saw it wasn’t from sana. yet, no one was more frustrated with jihyo than jihyo herself, she was beyond exhausted of the radio silence - but, even more so, she was disappointed in her own lack of patience.

it had only been just over a week since jihyo had last seen or heard from sana, she’d let herself get too used to seeing sana frequently - gotten accustomed to hickeys never really healing and having to go to class and run errands with her neck painted purple - they’d had this arrangement for _months_ now, and jihyo had let herself get too used to it to the point she’d normalised it. she was mad at herself for getting so attached, jihyo found herself angry at herself regularly lately.

but no matter what, jihyo could never stay mad at sana, no matter how much she wanted to. no matter what sana did, what she said, jihyo would always find a way to shift the blame onto herself yet again. it didn't matter how much sana hurt her or how many games she played, jihyo would always find herself crawling back to her the second sana showed her any sort of attention.

it was pathetic and she knew it, but being nothing to her hurt more than being something insignificant.

their relationship was _beyond_ unhealthy at this point, but jihyo couldn’t bring herself to let go.

especially not when her phone vibrated in her lap, the screen lighting up to show “1 new message from Sana <3”. the way her heart leapt told her just how screwed she was.

  
  


Sana <3 [19:54pm]

hey, want to meet up?

haven’t seen you in a while

i miss you :(

  
  


three simple sentences shouldn’t elicit such a feeling of pure joy, but jihyo guessed that’s what being in love felt like.

  
  


* * *

  
  


meeting sana in the daytime wasn’t a thing, no matter how many times jihyo would try to casually propose an afternoon meet up, sana would always proclaim that she was too busy during the day and could only meetup at night. it made sense, they only ever met up to have sex anyway.

sometimes jihyo wondered if this was how sana treated all of her friends, and that was why she had such a warped idea of how friendship worked.

but now wasn’t the time to be dwelling over the intricacies of their ‘friendship’ and the inner workings of sana’s mind - because it was approaching 11pm and sana would be getting there any minute.

it was almost ridiculous just how excited jihyo was to see her, even more so than usual; funny how knowing it was sana who had taken the first step to arranging their hangout made it feel different, especially when everything else about it was exactly the same as usual. they were still meeting at jihyo’s apartment, never at sana’s, and jihyo was fairly confident they’d be doing the same thing they always did.

but, sana had taken the first step to arrange it and that was enough to make jihyo’s heart feel so warm and wanted.

nayeon had taken the liberty of vacating their apartment for the night, made a snide comment about how she valued her sleep too much to want to stay and left for dahyun and chaeyoung’s apartment. so now, jihyo was left waiting in an empty apartment - her heart in her throat as she tried to stop her excitement from showing.

she and sana were just casual, that was all, she couldn’t let it look like she felt otherwise.

so when jihyo heard a knock at the door, she waited for almost a minute before getting up to go answer it, fighting against all of her natural instincts to jump up off the sofa and rush to the door. she didn’t want sana to think she had been waiting for her like she had.

sana looked so beautiful, stealing all the breath from jihyo’s lungs the second she laid eyes on her. no matter how many times she saw sana, she never failed to take jihyo’s breath away and render her speechless; it didn’t matter if she was in a full face of makeup or not, she was always the most beautiful person in every single room.

“hi baby.” sana chirped happily, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to jihyo’s lips, her hands cupping jihyo’s face lightly as she did. “it’s been a while, i missed you.”

“i missed you too.” jihyo hummed, light blush dusting her cheeks as she gazed up at sana.

“well, why didn’t you call?” sana pouted, pressing another kiss to the corner of jihyo’s mouth before allowing jihyo to lead her into the apartment. “i was getting worried you didn’t want to see me- ”

“no!” jihyo interjected quickly, face flushed in embarrassment at how desperate her voice sounded. “i mean, i _did_ want to see you, i was just really busy with school and stuff.”

“oh.” sana frowned slightly, jihyo having to stop herself from rambling in attempt to fix it, but then a wicked smile spread across her lips. “well, are you sure you’re all done now? because if not i can always come back another time. y’know, if you’re so _busy_.”

the way sana’s hands migrated from cupping her face to gripping her waist was enough of an indication that sana absolutely was _not_ leaving. jihyo had to swallow a whimper when sana pulled her body flush against her own, her eyes dark and gaze hungry. she’d seen this look on sana a hundred times, but it still made her knees feel weak.

“well, maybe you should convince me to have a night off.” jihyo purred, tone teasing, flirtatious and confident. the way sana’s eyes sparkled with excitement made jihyo’s heart race.

no matter how much it was going to hurt in a few hours having to watch sana leave again, jihyo couldn’t imagine living without nights like this.

  
  


something was different, the whole night felt brand new - nothing like any of the other nights they spent together.

whilst they’d never really had a routine for the start of the night, unlike the one for the end, there had always been a typical pattern of events. but that pattern had been disrupted the second sana’s shirt had been pulled over her head.

jihyo had grown used to the sight of hickey’s littering sana’s chest and thighs, the sight had always made her stomach churn and her heart ache no matter how many times she’d see them; but tonight there was nothing there, not a single blemish marked sana’s skin. it was no secret sana had other partners she met with for sex, and they always made sure to leave their mark all over sana’s skin. they’d been having sex for _months_ , and jihyo had never seen sana without a hickey before.

the reckless and self destructive part of jihyo’s brain _really_ wanted to ask about it, make a teasing comment about how jihyo finally had a blank canvas to work with. but then sana was sucking at her pulse point as she raked her fingers over jihyo’s abdomen, and every thought in jihyo’s mind evaporated - all she could focus on was sana and how pretty she sounded as she hummed against jihyo’s neck.

it all felt too intimate, sana had never taken her time with her like this before. usually the second their shirts came off that would be it - jihyo’s back would be pressed against the duvet, biting down on her clenched fist to muffle her moans as sana sucked a trail of marks down her body before settling between her legs - but it was different tonight. jihyo’s shirt had long been discarded, yet she was still sat in sana’s lap as the girl alternated between sucking her neck and kissing her passionately.

there was nothing for jihyo to complain about, this was the kind of ‘slow’ sex she’d always wanted from sana, but there was that pang of uncertainty in her chest as she wondered what had changed - why it was different now.

but then sana’s hands found their way down the back of her shorts, grabbing her ass and pressing their hips together more firmly - and jihyo decided nights like this were to be enjoyed, not analysed.

  
  
  
  


there sana lay on jihyo’s bed, staring up at the ceiling, with one hand resting on her abdomen and the other holding the stick of the lollipop that remained between her lips. it was nearing 4am now, and sana still hadn’t gotten dressed yet or made any move to leave - and jihyo was beyond confused. normally sana would stay for around half an hour after they finished before getting up to leave, but it had been almost an hour and sana was still here.

part of jihyo wanted to tell her to stay, ask about why she hadn’t left yet and why the whole night had felt so different; if it had felt different for sana too or if jihyo had imagined all the changes.

but jihyo really just wanted to enjoy this moment, enjoy the view and the sound of sana’s quiet breathing. maybe she was biased, but jihyo wasn’t sure if a person had sounded so pretty just breathing before.

sana was humming the tune of a song jihyo didn’t recognise as she stared up at the ceiling, eyes narrowed slightly as if she was trying to study it, as if she’d seen something and was trying to identify what it was. there was a slight frown painting sana’s features, she looked confused yet thoughtful - jihyo was going to give herself a headache if she kept trying to read sana’s mind.

“i’ve never really noticed just how comfortable your bed is before.” sana commented suddenly, not even bothering to take the lollipop out of her mouth before speaking.

“thank you, i think so too.” jihyo agreed calmly, leaning her head against the headboard and looking up at the ceiling.

“i never stay long enough to really appreciate it, it’s definitely nicer than my bed.” sana continued, the comment made jihyo’s heart ache - but she wasn’t sure why.

“is that why you haven’t left yet? my bed is too comfortable?” jihyo teased, ignoring the way something in the back of her throat burned at the comment.

“the company is nice too.” sana hummed, small smile spreading across her lips as she spoke. “very easy on the eyes.”

jihyo blushed, pointedly refusing to look at sana. “you’re in a different mood tonight.” jihyo mumbled bashfully. “did you really miss me _that_ much?”

“is that so hard to believe?”

“well, i thought this was just a casual thing.”

“it is, doesn’t mean i don’t miss you.” sana decided simply.

jihyo gulped, trying to swallow the uncomfortable lump forming in her throat. there was something in sana’s tone that made her heart and her mind race. it wasn’t fair of her to make comments like that, but it wasn’t as if she knew what they did to jihyo’s heart.

“i guess, just doesn’t seem all like a casual fuck if you miss me when i’m not around.” jihyo shrugged, trying desperately to sound nonchalant.

“do you not miss me?”

jihyo clenched her jaw. “i didn’t say that.” 

sana chuckled to herself, and jihyo flushed deep red as she tried to think of a witty defence. she gazed down at sana to see the girl staring up at her, eyes wide and soul searching as she studied jihyo’s face. jihyo had never felt so exposed in her life.

“ _stain my lips with yours_

_make me forget my own name_

_i need to know you._ ”

jihyo blushed shyly, she wanted to avert her gaze but sana’s eyes were too addictive; she didn’t understand what sana had just said but it felt like her heart knew. 

“who wrote that one?” jihyo asked curiously, frowning slightly when sana smirked smugly.

“i did.”

“oh, what does it mean?”

“i’m not telling you.” sana beamed triumphantly, removing her lollipop from between her lips and holding it up as if it were a wand. “if you want to know, maybe you should learn japanese.”

“that’s not fair.” jihyo whined, pouting grumpily in an attempt to get sana to take pity on her. “please tell me what it means?”

“where’s the fun in that?” sana hummed, getting up and leaning over to kiss jihyo sweetly. “i like being able to speak to you in japanese knowing you can’t understand me, plus your confused expression is so cute.”

“i don’t like it at all.” jihyo grumbled.

“ _you always look so cute writhing underneath me.”_

“sana, stop it.”

“ _i see you in my dreams sometimes, they’re always my favourites.”_

“sana, this isn’t fair - i don’t know another language to use against you.”

“ _someday i wish you’d be my jihyo, but i know i don’t deserve you._ ”

“sana.”

“okay, okay, no more i promise.” sana giggled, pressing a kiss to jihyo’s cheek in an attempt to get her to stop pouting.

“what’s gotten into you tonight?” jihyo chuckled, tone half serious and half joking. “you’re never like this, though to be fair you’re usually gone by now.”

“do you want me to be gone?” sana asked simply, her tone delicate but there was something about her gaze that carried so much more weight.

the question was simple, one jihyo had imagined sana saying thousands of times and in her head she had always pictured herself responding jokingly, making a teasing comment about she liked when sana left because she valued her sleep; but now that didn’t seem quite adequate. the question was the same as she’d always imagined, only it wasn’t.

“no.” jihyo shook her head gently. “i like having you here.”

sana smiled, warm and genuine yet also shy - it was one of jihyo’s favourites.

“good.” sana nodded slightly. “i like being here, i like breaking our routine.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed!  
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